Your Coffee Determines Your Politics

Originally published: 18 April 2020

You order a latte at Starbucks.

Depending on your ethnicity, the time taken for your name to be written on the take-away cup may considerably vary. My deepest condolences to anyone called Raj. Immune to any emotional response after your name is still spelt wrong, you simply grab the cup, take your first sip and exit. This may appear like a mundane venture but what you have just engaged in is an official endorsement of: the Paris Agreement, affirmative action and tighter gun control. By consuming this milky caffeinated beverage, you have confirmed your political affiliation as a liberal. A latte liberal- if we're being specific.

The urban dictionary defines latte liberals as people who "sit around and drink overpriced diluted Starbucks coffee while lamenting the plight of the poor." Calling you out? Yikes.

THE LATTE LIBERAL

The 'latte liberal' is a popular derogatory term used by Republicans/Conservatives to mock the hypocrisy of liberal behaviour. The term gained prominence after being used in a 1997 article by conservative writer David Brookes, who describes the dominance of liberalism in "latte towns." Thus, this term is based on the premise that people who drink lattes are more likely to be liberal. While the alliterative effect may make this an irresistible slur, it probably doesn't help when liberals donate to this stereotype. For instance, New York mayor, Bill de Blasio justified the proposal to increase taxes, saying it would only cost New Yorkers "about the cost of a small soy latte at your local Starbucks." Republican Newt Gringrich responded saying "how do you ridicule someone who themselves is already saying soy latte". He then wrote an article on how the term small soy latte liberalism "deserves to become the defining symbol of the failure of the Democratic Party", contrasting Mayor de Blasio's imagery with President Lyndon B Johnson's declaration of "the War on Poverty." But is the latte liberal an accurate characterisation? Yes and No.

There are several factors to explain why latte consumers tend to be more liberal. For instance, a journal article describes how the concept of 'consumer ethnocentrism' may explain how latte drinkers tend to be liberal as they are more open to globalisation. Conservatives on the other hand, conventionally display more nationalist attitudes, which may explain their reluctance to drink the Italian sounding beverage, preferring 'American' filter coffee instead.

A quick geography lesson: only two US states grow coffee- the rest is imported from mostly South America.

Ironically, 'latte liberals' actually contribute more to the American economy than their nationalist-filter-coffee-drinking counterparts; as the US diary industry is the largest in the world, the use of milk in lattes thus bolsters the American economy. The fact that more cosmopolitan states like New York tend to be liberal and also have a greater number of Starbucks stores, further highlights the globalisation link.

The journal also provides evidence showing that women are more likely to drink lattes and also more likely to be liberal. Indeed, females significantly outnumber males in voting Democrat. These factors reinforce the classic statistical vice: correlation does not imply causation. The personal may be political but the latte is just a personal preference.

If this hypothesis was correct- it would be a political breakthrough. Picture the results of a presidential election, where instead of blue states and red states making up the electoral map, you have the state of New York represented by a latte cup. Consider the caffeinated Gerrymandering this could lead to. Need a greater Republican electorate? Demolish the Starbucks stores.

The British also have their own coffee politics.

COSTA: NO PLACE FOR THE PEASANTS

You can't be working class if you buy coffee from Costa. At least, according to Tory candidate, Antony Calvert. Gathering their pitchforks, the peasants hit back, defending their love for Costa. After all, Costa is red (*winks in Proletarian). Ironically, the party that's supposed to represent the working class- Labour- may have started this coffee caste system. Jeremy Corbyn said that an elite "in Islington…drink cappuccinos every day." Even Labour MP, Owen Smith, felt the need to justify that he doesn't drink 'posh' frothy coffee when handed one in a café. Momentum's way of encouraging people to donate £3 for the Jeremy Corbyn campaign was to remind them that it costs the same as "a posh coffee." The British way of saying a "small soy latte"- New Yorkers are clearly much more exciting.

So if you're drinking a cappuccino right now, you should be ashamed- renounce your bourgeoise attitude, make yourself a filter coffee and come join the class struggle.

Since when did coffee become so politicised? Well, actually before the American revolution.

THE BOSTON TEA PARTY & COFFEE PATRIOTISM

The story of the Boston Tea Party is already well known. American colonists dumped 342 chests of tea into the harbour. This tea was imported by the British East India Company. Even if you don't know the context behind this event, just hearing that name is enough to make you feel sorry for the colonists. The British must have done something bad. The tea is- the British increased taxes on tea, which led to higher tea prices. They took this decision without consulting the Colonists who were not represented in Parliament, as voiced by the famous political slogan: No taxation without representation. Colonists were thus protesting to lower the price of tea. While Americans started drinking coffee as a cheaper alternative to tea, some patriots wanted to reject tea altogether after this event. In a letter to his wife, Founding Father, John Adams writes about how he started drinking coffee because tea was renounced for its colonial association. While American colonists still drank tea after the Boston tea party, for some, drinking coffee became a sign of patriotism.

In an age of ever increasing political correctness- you have to think about how you choose to caffeinate yourself. When standing in that Starbucks line, think very carefully before ordering that latte: do you want to be labelled a latte liberal?